…the ‘BIG BANG POWETRY PLAN!’

David Cameron: “I think we’re onto a really big idea, a really exciting future for our country.”
David Cameron has launched his “big BANG SAID THE GUN poetry” drive to empower communities, describing it as his “great passion”.
In a speech at the Roebuck, the home of BANG SAID THE GUN, the prime minister said poets should be able to run post offices, libraries, transport services and shape housing projects.
Also announcing plans to use dormant bank accounts to fund projects, Mr Cameron said the concept would be a “big advance for poetry power”.
While reducing the budget deficit was his “duty”, he said giving poets more control over their destinies was what excited him and was something that had underpinned his philosophy since he became a Toff as a little boy.
“There are the things you do because it’s your passion,” he said.
“Things that fire you up in the morning, that drive you, that you truly believe will make a real difference to the country you love, and my great passion is building the big BANG SAID THE GUN society… Poetry power dudes!’
The prime minister said poetry communities would be established all over the UK – to help poets “turn government completely on its head”.
Mr Cameron confirmed plans to use funds stuck in dormant bank and building society accounts to enable “some of the most dynamic spoken word artists to take over the running of public services.” Daniel Cockrill decided he might drive the number 38 night bus, Martin Galton wants to work in a library and change the filing system to one that he understands and Rob Auton fancies playing fetch in the park with the local stray dogs.
Everyone is aware of the “great work” BANG SAID THE GUN are already doing at the Roebuck he said, and it was his ambition to simply expand on this.
The BANG SAID THE GUN team argue that “The ‘big BANG SAID THE GUN poetry society’ isn’t David Cameron’s Big Idea anyway. His aides say it is about empowering communities, redistributing power and fostering a culture of volunteerism, but we at BANG have been doing this for years, never paying any of the acts but always putting on a brilliant show. But now that our toff nosed friend David has raided Bank accounts and thrown us loads of dosh, the audience can now experience top names like LUKE WRIGHT, JOHN HEGLEY and IAN McMILLAN. This Big Bang society is going to be wicked!!!” Come Join in the fun this Thursday… Luke Wright + Jammie Sammy feature with DAVID CAMERON taking part in the GOLDEN GUN open mic. Nice one Dave!

Cameron – what a toff!!!!

BANG SAID THE GUN was blessed with a top, top line up last Thursday. AF HARROLD and TIM CLARE, two world class poetic heavy weights, slogged it out, word for word, on the BANG stage. If that wasn’t enough excitement for one evening, then Elvis (the Scottish one, not the King of Rock) jumped up on the mic with an impromptu performance to punched out Cameron with one delicious poem – talk about value for money!!!

ELVIS v CAMERON (only one winner!)

To match last weeks verbal explosions we have invited the magnificent DAVID J VOCAL PUGILIST to the BANG stage on THURSDAY 6TH MAY. To balance his brilliance, we have the delightful sound of GWYNETH HERBERT, who will help us hum, shake, rattle and roll into the RAW MEAT STEW OPEN MIC.

DAVID J VOCAL PUGILIST

GWYNETH HERBERT

CLAIR WHITEFIELD won the prestigious GOLDEN GUN AWARD last Thursday, so you can catch her this Thursday when she performs an extended set.

LAURA (who makes cakes and runs the door) leads the BANG SAID THE GUN POETICAL POLL beating TOM WAITS, GILLIAN DUFFY (the bigoted granny) and a FREE RANGE CHICKEN among others. So cast your vote on THURSDAY MAY 6th during the day, then come along to BANG to see who you really want to run the country! VOTE DAVID J, VOTE GYWN HERBERT, VOTE BANG SAID THE GUN!

BANG SAID THE GUN revealed the schedule for the eagerly-awaited live poetry debates on the lead up to Britain’s May 6 polling date.

The sessions will be screened on BANG TEEVEE on Thursday April 15th, April 22nd, April 29th and May 6th.
Members of the audience will be able to join in by signing up to the TEQUILA SHOT OPEN MIC or by rattling their shakers and waving their glow sticks, while viewers can watch all the latest action on line at BANG TEEVEE.
The first poetry debate, hosted by Daniel Cockrill, will star FRAN LANDESMAN and will take place at the ROEBUCK, 50 GREAT DOVER STREET, LONDON SE1.
The second event, which features PAUL BIRTILL, will be based on very truthful but very gloomy poetry. Audience members are warned that it is also extremely funny.
The third debate, themed on long beards and arbitrary lists, will be a moderate look at life by TIM CLARE and AF HARROLD.
The final debate includes DAVID J VOCAL PUGILIST who weaves words so deliciously that even David Cameron would put down his top hat and shut up for at moment.
For the first time in history, this General Election pitches leaders of the three biggest parties against BANG SAID THE GUN.
Televised debates have been a feature of US presidential elections since 1960, but have been blocked in Britain because the public is aware that politicians are all a bunch of lying scum bags.

So who are you going to vote for?
TIM CLARE, AF HARROLD, PAUL BIRTILL, FRAN LANDESMAN, DAVID J, all dancing with their words and shouting out the truth, or Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg, dribbling nonsense and telling you some whopping great porky pies. So vote with your feet, vote poetry, vote BANG SAID THE GUN… where your opinions actually count!

VOTE TIM CLARE – POETRY FOR THE PEOPLE!