There is poetry everywhere if you look for it. Even in the Sun.

Nicholas Sarkozy got the right hump with the press about his wife s alleged affair. The headline read…

SARKY GET’S NARKY WITH CARLA MALARKY. Who needs Andrew Motion.

Still, at least my season ticket will be cheaper next season.

Poetry events have been cancelled across the country as poets put down their pens, go on strike and force themselves to have Writer’s Block.
According to the National Poetry Society, 93 scheduled poetry readings due to take place next week have already been cancelled.
BANG SAID THE GUN, one of the leading spoken word events in England, has said it expects all of the poets booked to turn up and predicts another brilliant night of mayhem.

Niall O’Sullivan, a leading poet whose heart is naturally on the left, warned further strike action was likely to occur after the Easter period unless an agreement was reached over changes to pay and conditions for poets.
“Some poets are forced to sit in cafes all day and drink coffee because they don’t have an office to work from. This situation is ludicrous. I’ve even heard of poets who can’t afford a pen and paper. They are compelled to walk the streets chanting words out loud and have to remember their lines off by heart. This situation surely can’t go on!”

One poet, who wished to remain anonymous, told the BBC she had worked as a poet for 11 years and loved her job, but felt she had to “look at the bigger picture” and “show her support for BANG SAID THE GUN”.

Hundreds of poets and poetry supporters will be gathering at the ROEBUCK this Thursday from 8pm to listen to NIALL O”SULLIVAN + PAUL CREE and might even take turns to form picket lines and read poetry at the TEQUILA SHOT OPEN MIC SPOT.

Poetry Lovers, put down your pens, close down your laptops, unite together and come along to BANG SAID THE GUN.

Above is an example of a typically lazy poet.

AF HARROLD faces travel chaos during the four days after Easter as two rail unions yesterday announced strike action.

Walkouts by signallers and maintenance staff will wreck his plans to perform at BANG SAID THE GUN on THURSDAY 8th APRIL and frustrate many poetry fans trying to get to the venue.
The first national rail strike for 16 years will start on Tuesday 6th April, and run until Friday 9th April, in a row over plans to axe 1,500 maintenance jobs. What is more important? Jobs or Poetry?

Gerry Doherty, general secretary of the Transport Salaried Staffs Association, said the strikes had been timed to avoid the Easter break but ruin BANG SAID THE GUN for thousands of poetry lovers.

Bob Crow of the RMT union called for assurances that jobs will be protected. He said: “This is another hammer blow for the rail industry, but as an apology to all Gunslingers, I will write several haiku and perform them naked if AF HARROLD doesn’t make it to BANG SAID THE GUN.” Network Rail said: “We will work with poetry fans and have a contingency plan in place if things go tits up!”

Yeah right… just squeeze our balls very tight!!!

AF HARROLD could be stuck on this train!!!
But don’t worry. Catch NIALL O’SULLIVAN + PAUL CREE at BANG this Thursday!

Why has David Cameron got it in for short people? Why is he having a go at Nicolas Sarkozy for being five feet five inches tall? Everybody knows the correct height for a healthy male is in the region of five feet five inches tall, in my case, five feet four and a half inches. Spot on, wouldn’t you say. Why is a six foot empty vessel allowed so much space in my newspaper? I would imagine that meeting David Cameron would be like walking into a large  empty room that has the faint smell of farts about it. However, unless he does something wreck-less like sticking his Knob in Margaret Becketts ear during question time, I fear he will be the next Prime Minister. Personally, I hope somebody sits on his top hat and squashes it to buggery, the one he wears when the camera’s aren’t rolling.

“BANG SAID THE GUN – a shootout at the OK Corral of Stand-Up Poetry. Aim, fire, bullseye… a fucking brilliant gig – go and shake yer stuff”

Thanks Elvis.

Catch Elvis again on Tuesday 30th March at Lowdown at The Albany (opposite Great Portland Street tube, W1)
He’ll be performing his one man show “One Man & His Doggerel.” Starts 8pm. It is being recorded for a live CD to be released on Laughing Stock records. If you clap and laugh loud enough you might be heard!

Thanks Gunslingers for helping make another fantastic BANGing night!
And I think you will all agree – ELVIS is the KING!!!

coming soon to BANG SAID THE GUN TEEVEE

We have made it into the virtual pages of le cool magazine. Bang Said The Gun is officially cool – even though it is only for one week!

This is Janice Windle’s Golden Gun Award. Win your own this Thursday at BANG SAID THE GUN’s Tequila Shot Open Mic Spot. ELVIS McGONAGALL + SHANE SOLANKI will also be there… More Info Here

Tony Husband lets his pencil do the talking as he brings new life to my poems… How Marvellous!